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I don't have the energy to do everything. Juggling work and daddy daycare is exhausting but God is faithful to our family. I am imperfectly balancing everything because I love my family and my ministry calling. I hope my boys will grow up seeing that I tried to be there for them. Even though our days are chaotic and messy, I enjoy them seeing my ministry work. This is who their dad is and I hope they will see how God has blessed us and made us unique.

I'm exhausted doing daddy daycare while working. It feels like I'm constantly running to take care of my boys and then running back to get some work done. It's been a tough few years and then a pandemic hit...

Jordan has a record amount of baby rolls for a 5 month old 😂

For the first time in my life, I got an award for being a Producer!!! It's happening!!!😎🙌🤸‍♂️🎉 I'm finally using my UCSD Communications degree for something 😅. I spent a lot of hours in editing rooms and watching old films during college; I really had no idea if I was ever going to use that info. I paid for my own degree and it seemed crazy to me that I would spend so much money on something I would never use.

I am tired and I can't do it all. I should be able to balance work and taking care of my 2 boys but it's exhausting. I should be speaking at more churches but traveling to churches is a huge burden on my wife.

Getting lean is about burning more calories than you consume. You eventually run out of calories to cut from your diet and need cardio to burn fat. I recommend fast walking, biking and swimming for at least 20 minutes everyday if you are serious about reaching your goal.

I was afraid that my degree wasn't worth anything. I really enjoy writing, making videos and producing music but these seem like hobbies and not a career. I originally felt safe choosing Communications as a major only because I thought I had a career as a Marine Corps officer coming out of UCSD. When I got my diploma, I was almost ashamed that I got a degree I couldn't use.

I was 17 years old when I started bodybuilding. I was so unsure of myself that I used to post my pictures on forums and ask for the opinions of others. I just wanted to know that I belonged in the sport. After 15 years of competing and traveling the world, I started having more fun when the sport became more about love than the opinions of others.

Happy 3rd birthday to the boy who wanted a rhino cake. Jeremiah Pat you have thrived in this pandemic. Everyday you amaze your family with your kindness, thoughtfulness and intelligence. You have learned to make the best out of every situation and you live your life with joy. God has blessed us with the amazing boy that you are.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’” – Proverbs 31:28-31

I lost the show and considered doing something else with my life. My family is from Shanghai and they always hoped that I would use the prime years of my life to do business or medicine. Our family has always emphasized education and working hard in the business world. Sports are supposed to be a weekend hobby, not a life calling. My cousin had just graduated with her MBA from Harvard and my stepbrother started his residency as a doctor. I was spending my time training for a sport that I was losing at.

This pic was from my last year as an amateur bodybuilder. I started my career as a teenager and it took over 10 years to make it as a pro bodybuilder. I’ve had a lot of obstacles in my life but God blessed me with the strength to struggle. I had a lot of thoughts about quitting and a lot of doubt about my place in the sport.

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Jeremiah Pat likes to sit between Carmen Pat and me when we read books. He will listen while I read and then grab the book away from me and give it to Carmen after a few pages 🤣. He loves his reading time and wants to share the moment with both of us. I get sad when we read like this because it reminds me that I didn’t have times like this with my parents. When my parents came to the US in their 20s, they struggled a lot to get their restaurant started and I was sent to China to live with my grandparents after I was born. I cry a lot as a parent. This has been an amazing year but everything hurts so much deeper now. I can’t see hurting families the same way. When I hear stories of lonely kids, I think a lot about Jeremiah. I’ll never get over the pain of my childhood but I found hope because I came to know my heavenly father. I pray a lot now, I hope every lonely kid can know their heavenly father when they read the book that God has given all his children.
I want Jeremiah to know God’s love. That starts with me. I want him to know my love for him as a father. I will read him stories from the Bible about how God loves his children and I want those stories to be believable because of what he experiences everyday. I hope my love for him does not depend on him being good, I want him to feel loved no matter what he does. I know that Jeremiah will upset me and do wrong things but I don’t want him to feel that my love is diminished because of it. My love does not depend on him doing the right things. One day I hope that he will believe that Jesus Christ came to save sinners because he loves us. I hope he will believe that.
I’m going to be leading a team this winter to serve our friends who grew up in the orphanage and now have families of their own 😍🔥🙏. This is something I dreamed about when I first started this work over 10 years ago. I’ve seen the statistics of what happens to abandoned children but God has truly blessed those who we have worked with. Now the challenge is helping them grow as parents when they’ve never known their own mom and dad. Some of the orphans have actually been parents for a couple of years now but I never felt comfortable teaching any workshops until I became a parent myself. I’ve been asking my partners, like Cari Furr and Mark Torvinen , to pray for me. This trip is going to be hard because preparing to teach about families is going to bring up a lot of my own fears about being a good dad. I don’t want to parent shame (if you read parenting blogs, you know what I’m talking about). I don’t want to go in with just a list of how they can be better parents. This winter, I want to have hard conversations about the difficulties of adoption. I want to have hard conversations about what it means to adapt to different disabilities. I might not be the best person to talk about the wide range of parenting hardships but I’m praying that God will use me to bring grace and healing. There’s been a lot of hurt in the Chinese church around the difficulties of families. It’s time for us to experience renewal.
I went to seminary because I’m insecure. Getting my master’s degree added to the student debt load I had from UCSD but going into professional ministry was terrifying. The only qualifications I had for ministry were a few years of leading short term teams to Shanghai and being a Bible study leader. I wanted to work with pastors and missionaries but I didn’t want them to make fun of me. At 21 years old, I already got strange looks whenever I sat in meetings with people who were twice my age. I was desperate to feel like I belonged. Insecurity feels like falling and I was desperately trying to find anything that would make me feel adequate. Getting a piece of paper from Bethel Seminary seemed like it would do the trick. I don’t regret the education that I got and I really appreciated the professors but I wonder what would have been different if I lived my life with faith first. I’ve been in ministry for 15 years now and I still struggle with insecurity. It’s made worse because I can’t hide my feelings through more accomplishments or education. I don’t think I can achieve my way out of this feeling. When I read the Bible, it sticks out to me that Jesus called fishermen to teach religious scholars. That’s the kind of courage and calling that I want. In my next 15 years, I am asking God to shape my career with faith. I can accept that some people are always going to think that I’m not qualified and over my head. My insecurity is still with me but I’m going to imagine myself falling into God’s grace.
“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103:13‬

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